A letter for you..

My unsent/ unpublished letter for my bf (currently my ex) last
March 24, 2013. After 6 months or so, I decided to published it, to show the world how much I changed for him by that time.


March 24, 2013
Baby,

hey baby.. well, I write this letter because I want to express my feelings to you. What you'll read in hir is real and pure honesty. So, where do i start? Ahmm, I want you to know that I'm deeply in love with you. You are the only guy that made me fall in love again. All my life, I never wanted to be in a relationship. I was afraid, I'm afraid and scared.. but you came. God, you came and change it all. I always believe that this is not the time and i have no time for love. You came and made me work with time. 

I'm a carefree girl, who have so many dreams... dreams that only herself will benefit. And again you came and changed my dream. I dreamt of living alone in New York, working my ass out to earn money. It changed because now my dream is to live with you, living in our dreams and travelling the world.

I always want to be alone, but when I met you, I've learned that being alone in this world is truly lonely.

I always believed that it takes time to fall in love.. but things came pretty fast.. 

By this time, I don't think, I just express what I feel.. This time I easily gave up, and surrender myself, I found assurance with your love. I bargained my feelings and trusted your love, this love. I've gave up my pride and exert courage.. still afraid yet manages to fall in love with you. You, that I don't even know, you that I just met, and you that brought changes to my life.. baby, you are the only risk that I will ever take.. 

I soo love you, its making me crazy. Well, I think you should know that I mostly over think things... sometimes I think of you leaving me :( and yet, I still try not to think about those kinda things.. 

I hate it, when I don't see how much you care. sometimes i doubt your love.. Sometimes, i think you don't care, i think you're not serious, i think you don't love me..

 I'm innocent with these feelings that i'm experiencing, i told you its making me crazy. I wish to see that you really cared. I wish to see your true feelings. I wish that your feelings for me are true and real because mine is true and real and you don't have to doubt about it. 

Just like a beginner in a video game, i'm a novice who is still coping with the set-up. A novice that is willing to accept all the things that will be thrown, just to survive in the game. I'm a novice in the game called love. You're a professional, and I expect you to teach me and mentor me in this game. You know so many things that I don't know. And in every game there's always a cheater, I just wish you don't cheat on me. 

Baby, I actually still have many things to say to you..  I just don't know how to say it..

Well maybe i should end this crap. I don't write letters to someone, i think its corny and cheap. yet i still write one for you. :) In this letter I just write what I feel. so i hope you'll get serious with it. and I don't even think of letting you read this. so, this letter is just for nothing :) but if ever there comes a time that you'll have a chance to read this, please don't laugh. :( I'll be hurt if you did.

I love you baby more than I love anything in this world. You made me ready to the things that i'll never imagined being ready for. You made me want more... as in more... you know the more part.. i know you do :)

but I still have this belief and i will stick with it. :)

I hope things will work out between the two of us. I hope you'll find ways as much as i find my own ways.

Again, I love you. and I miss you so much. :)

Love, 

Tam :)


And after an almost 3 month relationship we broke up. Mutual decision, but it's more of him leaving me. I always believe in this love that I have for him. I always do. Just like what I said in the letter, I have never love anything but him. And yet, all of the love that I gave was wasted. He never got a chance of reading this. I re-read it again, I found out how much I loved him. it's been like, 6months? I've moved on, but i'm still having flashbacks. :( it's sad. totally, because after everything, I'm not living in a normal world anymore. I'm not the old me anymore. It sucks, but it's ok. well, reading this unsend letter made me sad for myself. I actually pity myself. Reading this made me mad at him at the same time, reading this made me missed him.