The Trying Times

Just a week or two, I've been in the peak of loneliness and pain with my relationship. Days before our second monthsary a huge problem tries to break my heart and tries to destroy my relationship, my cherished relationship. In this early of my relationship "the" trying times soon arrived in the midst of happiness and enjoyment. 

It was first started with the anon from Ask.fm saying that my guy is cheating on me. with several responses from anon that breaks my heart, I asked my guy how is this happening to me, to us? My mind was like juggling in the air because of the thousand thoughts and ideas that i'm handling. Then, I confronted my guy about this. He talked about it. it went well, and he made me promise not to listen to it because it just want to break everything that we had. I believed him. Though there's a part in my mind saying be careful.

We were ok. So ok in the following days that comes. My guy's friend was talking to me lately about her love life. Weird because most of the things she told me was kinda related to the anon from ask.fm. Even the situation that she's telling me. I became curious, afraid, and hurt. I ready myself, because I know that in time she'll be telling me that the guy and the pitiful GF was me and my guy. I thought I was ready. I thought it won't hurt anymore if ever it is my guy she's talking about... well, i just thought i was not gonna hurt, the truth is i was terribly hurt.

My guy is the playboy and I'm the gf that he's cheating on. My guy's friend, told me everything she thinks I should hear about my guy. I was told everything. Every stupid things that he done to me and to other girls. I was told even the least expected form of cheating I could ever imagine being done to me.

My world falls apart. I sobbed until I sleep. That time I felt too much pain that it became endurable. I've never been so hurt and exhausted by that time. I got tired of thinking. I can't eat right. And there's too much information in my head that it wanted to explode. that time i don't know who to believe and who not to believe. i can't even identify what's right and wrong.

by that time. i thought it was the end. i thought he'll be giving up on me because the way he communicate to me felt like it's going there. I was scared, hurt, and broken. I can't see the effort from him on fixing things. That made all the pain that I feel goes twice. I felt that he doesn't seems to care. I again ready myself. Prepared from whatever happens, even the lines that I supposed to ask and say when we see each other. I'm ready no matter what...

We met to talk about the problem. seeing him made me forgot all the things that he was accused he done to me.  Weirdly, when i saw him, i forgot everything i supposed to say and ask to him. but then I manage to talk, to ask, and not to cry. he defended himself. The thing about this is, I immediately believed him and no longer listens to anybody. he has a point. and my goody-goody side says I should believed him and then I did.

We were ok. Not good but ok. That's how i perceived it by that time. I'm in the midst of transition, from being hurt to being ok. To cope, to adjust and to forget, those were the things that I started to push into my mind. just to move on with the situation. I'm happy that it works.

Doubts. That's what I have after everything else. i just don't trust anyone, anymore after that. the trust that he broke now has a fractured that can't be fixed.

Until now, doubts is still in me. we're ok, totally ok. But by this time I know I should be careful. I can't afford being hurt because i've been cheated. i don't want it to happen again. that's why now, i'm preparing myself from everything. and until now, my trying times is still haunting my mind. I just wished it stop.